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To you again... yes, again.

When you see her, please acknowlege her existance. It's literally the least you can do.

And please stop going to the gym that is in her place of employment.

You are not the wronged party here.


To you.

I wish you well.

MH stuff, for posterity

I've been Cipralex for depression and anxiety since last fall after Shit Went Down. Luckly, it works for me. No more suicidal ideation. No more inability to get out of bed. Panic attacks few and far between. Soul crushing guilt only when I dwell... which I try not to.

I know there's a lot of stigma around using this kind of medication... it's a crutch, a poison, the easy way out, a gateway drug, it changes your personality, it turns you into a zombie, etc, etc.

To which I say, GFY. It's keeping me alive and it has no noticable side effects. Yes, I'm also in counselling. I was in counselling several months before going on Cipralex. Yes, I excercize regularly. Yes, I eat fresh, healthy food. No, I haven't cut out gluten/alcohol/caffiene/refined sugar, and I'm not going to.

I tried tapering off (veerrrrrry slooooowly... 1 mg less each week) in January. That led to almost getting into a (totally intentional) car accident.

Never again. I'm on for life. No regrets.

I made an informed decision. My body, my life, my choice.

Privilege: I has it.

  • adult
  • caucasian
  • bisexual female, low on the Kinsey scale, opposite-sex partner
  • cisgender
  • healthy
  • able-bodied
  • appearance falls within my society's narrow window of "physically attractive"
  • educated (private education, paid for almost entirely by my family)
  • middle-class upbringing
  • parents who encouraged me to follow my own interests
  • loving family
  • North American
  • soon-to-be dual citizen
  • live in 21st century
  • can own property
  • can follow career of choice
  • married to person I love
  • can choose to terminate pregnancy
  • can choose to carry pregnancy to term
  • recipient of state-funded health care
  • have job
  • got new job relatively quickly and easily
  • new employer provides defined benefit pension plan
  • new employer provides on-site childcare
  • mental health issues generally managable
  • debt levels generally managable
  • enjoy words
  • enjoy music
  • enjoy people
  • enjoy life
    Okay, okay, okay. Dan Savage, being a cisgendered dude*, should NEVER have referred to transwomen "trannies" or "shemales." He should apologize in his own inimitable way for using those terms , as he did when replacing in his lexicon "retarded" with "leotarded" and "pussy" with "scrotum".

    He absolutely should be called on it when he's being a dick. Whenever ANYONE is being a dick, they should be called on it.

    That said! IA wholeheartedly WTC on the Slate article Did Dan Savage Deserve to be Glitter-Bombed? (emphases mine):

    The answer, clearly, is that Savage has created a style of activism that is successful, where many more politically correct models have failed. [...] Savage’s implicit message that one can be an ally to the LGBT community without necessarily getting all the ever-changing words right is understandably appealing [...] What does stifle progress, though, is insisting that one man speak for all (only to judge him when he necessarily fails) instead of finding creative, savvy, engaging ways of speaking for oneself.

    This, this, this. And also this, from the comments:

    Savage has done more to further acceptance of trans ppl, polyamorists, swingers, sex workers, kinksters, and people of non-hetero-mono-vanillo sexual persuasions than anyone I can think of. Part of what makes him a great commentator is that while he addresses sexual and gender issues seriously, he realizes we are all kind of ridiculous, especially with our clothes off--or when we're being too PC.

    This is so very, very true to my own experience. Getting family and friends on-board with the whole gay/bi/trans thing -- when you're the only one in your circle who's boned up on queer theory -- is So. Much. Easier. when you remove the academia. The PC terms-of-the-month often come across as alien or "cliquey". Broad concepts like "different =/= wrong," "(un)comfortable in his/her own body," "consenting adults," and "born that way," OTOH, are very simple to communicate to family and friends outside of the queer community... especially with a little humour.

    And humour, of course, is key to Dan's mainstream appeal. He is the Cool, Funny Kid. Ditto Rachael Maddows, Ellen DeGeneres, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert... four other incredibly influential LGBT rights advocates who are beloved by the mainstream because they are HILARIOUS. Add to that all the queer and queer-ally comedians... Wanda Sykes, Margaret Cho, David Cross, Louis C.K., Sarah Silverman, etc.

    You want to HANG OUT with these Cool, Funny Kids. You want to introduce them to all your friends. You want them to LIKE you. And you would REALLY rather not do anything IDIOTIC that might cause them to MOCK you (or, in Ellen's case, shake her head sadly).

    You know what? I'm also going to toss Buck Angel into the Cool, Funny Kid category. He's an FTM pornstar, fer cryin' out loud, who has been well-recieved by the talk-show circuit and other mainstream media. Why? Because he's hot, friendly and witty. You could totally have him over for beers with your bros.

    I'm adding Miss Manners, too. Funny? Check. Likable? Check. Person you don't EVER want on your bad side? CHECKCHECKCHECKOHGODCHECK.

    And then, there's... That Person. You know, That Person your social circle -- oh, you KNOW you know them; I've been one! -- who is constantly offended/angry/disapproving/preachy/overly negative. That Person who is forever feuding with your other friends, making you pick sides. That Person who you can't ever do anything right around. That Person who generally IS in the right, and who usually HAS been treated badly, and who has done IMPECABLE research around whatever they're arguing about this week, so you can't disagree with anything they say. But... you still don't like associating with them.

    Dan Savage = the Cool, Funny Kid.

    Dan Savage's glitter-bombers and their ilk = That Person.

    I know who I'd rather invite to dinner with the folks.

    And LGBT advocates who get that mainstream family dinner invitation do more for the cause than all the academic papers and glitter-bombs in the world, is what I'm saying.

    Re. the glitter-bombers' parting salvo, "He's a racist and misogynist and a rape-apologist, too!" ... FFS, people, SHOW YOUR DAMNED WORK so I can poke BIG DAMNED HOLES IN IT. You just reduced yourselves to the level of those "god hates fags" protestors.

    * Transwomen can, of course, refer to themselves however they damn well please.

    *weeps into laptop*



    Right, right. Break up into small, manageable pieces. Prioritize... what's could potentially be due tomorrow instead of this evening? (Answer: NOT A FUCK OF A LOT.)

    Guys, I just really wanna be someone else today. Someone who has a different job that's not mine. Love my job usually... just not today so much.

    Coffee shop is looking pretty good right now.

    Writer's Block: 9/11

    Where were you?
    Not Back To School Camp. No TVs, no phones. Just an anouncement in the dining hall and a couple days after to process.

    It didn't really hit until I got back into town with the rest of the gang. We stayed in the hotel and watched footage -- still in constant circulation, days later -- for a full day.
    What American accent do you have?
    Created by Xavier on Memegen.net

    Western. Like Midland, Western is another accent that people consider neutral. So, you might not actually be from the Western half of the country, but you definitely sound like it.

    And if you're not from the West, you are probably one of the following:
    (a) A Pittsburgher - the quiz can't tell the difference;
    (b) Someone from Canada (probably southern Ontario) who doesn't have a Canadian accent;
    (c) Someone from northern New England who doesn't have a New England accent; or
    (d) Someone from Texas or the Heartland who was born after 1980.
    You are definitely not from New York, New Jersey, Chicago, Detroit, the Deep South, etc.</font>

    Take this quiz now - it's easy!
    We're going to start with "cot" and "caught." When you say those words do they sound the same or different?

    Accent map here..
    Dear arse,

    Funny, I thought perhaps that if I worked out for 45 minutes a day, every day, for 1.5 months, you would shrink.

    Not, uh, grow two inches.

    The. Fuck.

    Now I have two work skirts I can wear (up around my natural waist), instead of seven (down at my hips). Two pairs of work pants -- and those are tight -- instead of eight. One motherlovin' pair of jeans, instead of *sniffle* five.

    And no, I will not stop eating normal things. I want this healthy-living thing to be sustainable, dammit.

    Money for professional work clothing? Don't have it. Masters and home renos are underway. So... there we are. Maybe I can take you to Value Village this month. If you're very, very good.

    Get smaller on your own, maybe? Back down to your usual size? Pretty please?

    Your reluctant owner,

    P.S. You look pretty fab, though. Perky and round and awesome. I look forward to seeing how you look in pants that fit.
    Confession: My first encounters with Brilliant, Thoughtful, Friendly, Funny, Thinky Women on the Internet was in fandom.

    (X-Files and Due South fandom, to be specific. But that's a post for another day.)

    Wedding blogs -- A Practical Wedding in particular -- introduced me to a whole new crop of smart, mindful women. Brides! Smart brides! Worrying about things together!

    Then Lisa from Privilege did a guest post on APW, and lawdy lawdy, my eyes were opened to a WHOLE NEW WORLD.

    Smart women. Funny women. Older-and-wiser-than-me women. Hard-working women who are passionate about what they do. I-want-to-be-you-when-I-grow-up women.

    Behold, the mainstays of my current blogroll...

    Privilege: "A privileged early existence taught me the common definition of good taste. Whether the definition is right or not is another question of course. But for better or worse I can read the hidden rules of how to appear 'appropriate.' Interpret the millions of social anxieties we all encounter. And I won’t keep this secret."

    Already Pretty: "When I began exploring fashion and style – dressing in fun, flattering, and form-fitting clothes – an unexplored universe opened up to me. For the first time, I respected my body. I realized that there was nothing wrong with my body. I saw my body as integral to my identity. I wanted to show it off, and decorate it joyously, and hone my personal style so that I could understand it on new levels. THAT is how this all began."

    Corporette: "After a few years of working near Wall Street, Corporette noticed that young professional women had a few things in common no matter where they lived or who they worked for. [...] Their problems were just a little bit different from the women the rest of American magazines were profiling — they had plenty of money but no time; they had to deal with extremely onerous demands at the office, and they were generally expected to be on 24/7."

    Capitol Hill Style: "They say that Washington, D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people. But they’ve never tried to maintain their appearance while living in a city built on a swamp, where the workdays start at dawn, the salaries are minuscule and the cobblestones eat stilettos for breakfast."

    Another Damn Life: "I gradually began forgetting about my vow to be quiet, and would sometimes get more than two minutes through making up an inane song about the beau before remembering that I wasn’t supposed to be doing that anymore. Then the beau would take hold of my shoulders and earnestly implore, 'No! Don’t stop! I like it when you make up songs about me!' And I would go to punch him, and then we would chase each other around the house as I menaced him with murder. Seriously, you guys. Fake murder. Stop looking at me like that." From Trying.

    And thanks to Lisa of Privilege, who make the Best. Outfits. EVAR., I just caved and created a Polyvore account:

    Comfy grown-up Friday workwear, y/y?

    Above is what I'm wearing today, all of which I'm quite proud of! Definitely Privilege-influenced (large unisex watch, incorporation of pearls, etc), but with shades of grey and silver instead of navy blue and gold. Note: The necklace, a gift from my uncle, actually only has one strand of freshwater pearls... the other strands are tiny silver cylindrical beads.